I don’t want to drag this out because I hate that so I’m just going to come out and say it- I’m not blogging publicly anymore. Putting that out there for those of you who (like me) just want to delete me from your reader to make space for the next one. There will not be anymore public blog posts after this. I will be making my blog private for family and close friends only shortly.
Here’s a bit of an explanation for those of you that don’t want to be left in the dark. I am not throwing a fit, I’m not under the influence, I’m not going off the deep end (I don’t think?).
I don’t like my blog. There, I said it. It’s just not fun anymore and more importantly it’s not me.
When I started this blog almost 6 years ago it was sort of an online journal. I don’t like writing without pictures so blogging seemed like a great idea. A way to journal without getting a hand cramp and get a picture in with what I wanted to say. I’ve always been a writer and have kept diaries, scrapbooks, and journals all my life. I didn’t make my blog private because I assumed no one would find it or care to. I told my mom about it one day so I could show her a picture of what I was trying to explain over the phone and she became comment #1 a month or so after I started. I had no comments or readers other than my mom for months and that’s the way I wanted it.
Then word got out. I’m a visual person and I have a hard time explaining things without pictures so I started telling others to show them how to make stuff. Pictures started floating around and I liked the idea that other people were getting inspired by the little things I was doing at home in my pj’s. For a stay at home mom days get lonely sometimes and it helped to fill a void I think. That felt great and things were moving right along.
Here’s the problem for me- I’m not a social person. I try, I really really do but it doesn’t come naturally for me. I’m awkward and introverted and would rather stay home alone all day or go somewhere by myself. I have to try really hard to act like everyone else in social settings or to be the “friend” I think others expect me to be. I don’t make and keep friends easily and I’m okay with that. I’m learning to be okay with who I am and it works for me most of the time. I am not a good blog friend either. Responding to comments and emails doesn’t flow for me so I don’t and then I feel guilty about it. Feeling guilty is no bueno.
Sometimes I don’t like not knowing who, personally, is reading about my life and my kids. I don’t feel comfortable posting about my family, my quirks, my highs and lows, me with such an audience anymore but that’s exactly what I’m dying to share. Me. When I first started blogging I never dreamed anyone else would read it and I’m flattered that you have and that you brought your friends with you! There are some strange ducks out there though and they are peeking in my windows and sending me love/hate mail. That’s what it feels like sometimes. Just being honest. Not good either.
I’ve struggled with pulling back for a couple years now. It’s time. I want to bring this baby back to where it started. I want to post about trash cans and noisy neighbors. Coupon deals and apple cores under my couch. I want to post about churchy stuff and how I feel. I want to post about challenges and what I’m grateful for. I want to journal with pictures. That’s really hard for me to do with 1200 people watching!
There are so many times I’ve been super thankful to have all my followers and blog readers though so don’t think I take that for granted. You have lifted me up during hard times and I love your little faces. Thank you for following along and for being there for me over the years! Go and sew your hearts out and start a blog so I can follow you in my reader! I probably won’t comment though ;).
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder